The Most Dangerous Assumption in Your Marriage and 5 Simple Ways to Fix It (Day 27 : Valentine’s Month)
Hey friends!! We’re wrapping up Valentine’s Month tomorrow! But before we do that, I wanted to share a big-picture vision of abundant love in marriage that will continue past “Valentine’s Month” and applied in your daily living. It takes effort and hard work, but it’s always worth it.
So, let’s get right to it.
Most couples assume that because they are “good people”, they’ll have a good marriage.
Can we be real here?
Nothing can be further from the truth.
In fact, this assumption can be deadly for the life of your marriage.
Everything in life eventually comes down to the reap and sow principle. It’s simple: you reap what you sow.
For nearly ten years, Wyatt and I have found that the same is true in our marriage.
We sow: An hour a day, stacks of books on sex and marriage, learning the art of great dates, exercising together, cooking Saturday morning breakfast together, going to bed and waking up at the same time, praying together, growing in our “bedroom life” together, and by practically offering love and respect, even when we don’t deserve it.
We reap: A harvest of intimacy and oneness that resembles heaven on earth, friendship and laughter, trust and understanding, vision and shared purpose, a fulfilling and thriving marriage.
As Zig Ziglar talked about the rigorous efforts he put into health through exercise, he said this:
“You don’t pay the price for success…you enjoy the benefits of success”.
From the hours of hard work and intentional efforts we sow into our marriage, we consistently enjoy a marriage where unity, intimacy and connection overwhelm the practical areas of our life with peace and abundance.
A great marriage doesn’t come naturally to anyone. It must be intentionally worked at and “sown into”.
Here are 5 ways to actively “sow” into your marriage so that you reap abundance in your relationship:
1. Reserving time.
Time reading books, quality time, time in conversation, time in physical intimacy, time in prayer, time developing hobbies together. Here are 10 questions you can start with that will rock your marriage.
2. Giving love and respect.
Even when your spouse doesn’t “deserve” it. This is called honor, and it’s a powerful and transforming way to love.
3. Investing in marriage and sex books.
Books can be great mentors. By learning from a variety of other people’s experiences, books can save your marriage years of heartbreak and aimless wandering. Wyatt and I have read tens of marriage/sex books over the years. And it’s not because we were struggling. But rather, we believe that in order to have an incredible marriage, we need to be consistently pro-active.
We invest in our marriage during the good times, so we can thrive in the hard times.
4. Finding mentors.
Find a mentor who has lived well in marriage, and ask them to pray for you and to coach you.
5. Becoming a quick repenter.
Humbly sow forgiveness and grace. We’ve found that one way to do this is to repent quickly and often. I admit, it takes massive humility to be a quick repenter, willingly and swiftly admitting my wrongs. But it also requires humility to offer forgiveness after being wronged. Such humility and grace establishes a safe place where a marriage relationship can thrive.