You can tell I’m stressed if I disappear for a while and come back with my toes freshly painted. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that’s one way I’ve learned to cope in the midst of stress. I back away and detach from the issue.
Stress swirls around many topics for married couples: money, sex, unrealistic expectations, family dynamics, daily household responsibilities, parenting styles, long work hours, education choices for kids, damaging habits or friendships that create discord between a couple. Good or bad, stress is a normal byproduct of life – one we all handle differently. People often assume that stressful situations tear a marriage apart. But what if stress could actually bring a couple closer together?
Let me explain. Personally, I tend to experience the most stress around the topic of money. Because I lean more towards passivity than confrontation, our financial conversations never got nasty, but they always stirred up enough pressure and angst in me to shut me down for a week. So I went out of my way to avoid talking about it. Imagine the disrespect Wyatt felt when I appeared not to care. In reality, I was just in the bathroom painting my toenails because I didn’t know how to handle the pressure of mounting stress. Talk about not being on the same page!
That is, until we found another way: intentionally prioritizing sex before stress. Instead of immediately diving into debate and hashing out our differences about money (or any other stress-related topic that was at the boiling point), we learned that we did our best strategizing when we had sex first.
The conversation topic wouldn’t change, but the way we approached the conversation was 100% different. Instead of tackling stressors from a place of division and frustration, prepping with sex allowed us to approach conflict from a place of unity and connection. We could deal with really hot-button issues with a sense of tenderness, gentleness and grace. What seemed like an unconquerable mountain before we had sex, became a little speed-bump after. The stress didn’t go away, but because we approached it as a unified team (rather than as distant enemies), we were able to sail through issues that once would have derailed us.
As we’ve practiced this way of handing stress over the years, we’ve learned there is power in fighting for each other instead of fighting against each other. We’ve learned to let stress drive us towards intimacy, rather than destroy our intimacy. This gift of sex cements an overwhelming sense of unity and connection.
Our biggest stress triggers surround finances and navigating our kids’ education. Yours will be likely be different. But it’s helpful to identify which topics create division and stress in your marriage, and then use those issues to drive you towards each other. Remember to be tender towards each other. Seize this as another opportunity to thank God for His good gift of sex and the pleasure you receive from one another. Snuggled up together, basking in the warm glow of your love, you just may be able to change the world.