How NOT To Waste Your Evening Time Together (3 questions to build a honeymoon marriage)
Apart from the random nights he travels for work, Wyatt and I see each other most evenings of the week.
But just because we’re in the same house every night, doesn’t mean we’ll have a great connection…the honeymoon connection we were designed to enjoy.
Whether you and your spouse eat dinner every night as a family, or you feel more like strangers than spouses because you see each other so rarely, how do you NOT waste the time you have?
How do you instead, maximize the time you have to build a stronger marriage?
After our second baby was born, we were jolted by the reality that if we didn’t intentionally invest the time we had together each night, we would live under the same roof, perpetually disconnected.
So 5 years ago, instead of spending our nights doing laundry, checking email, or zoning out online, we committed to ending our days together with an hour of quality time every night from 8-9.
By far one of the best decisions of our marriage.
After years of prioritzing these nightly “dates”, we developed a mental list of activities and modes of entertainment that give us space to just “be” and enjoy each other’s company, without the pressure to be accomplishing anything in particular. This allows us to maximize what little time have for the benefit of our marriage.
A few things on our list are playing card games, reading magazines, listening to hobby-related podcasts/webinars, sitting outside with a glass of wine, and watching movies. Recently, (in the midst of my final weeks of pregnancy) our go-to nightly activity is enjoying Netflix shows in bed. (In case you’re curious, our latest fix is Shark Wranglers. Have you seen it? Nothing life-changing – just a bunch of guys on a big boat catching sharks. But for us, it’s clean and entertaining and a way we can both look forward to spending time together. So we’re good with that.)
The main key to building a great marriage with the material of time is finding (1) something that you both can enjoy together and (2) something that fits your current season of life. Pre-kids it might be hiking after work or trying new restaurants. With a newborn, it might be taking a stroller walk after dinner. With older kids, it might be sitting on the deck with your favorite drink or catching up on your favorite TV series after they’re in bed.
So today, get with your spouse and ask each other these three questions:
1. What would our ideal evening together at home include? (keep it simple!)
2. What is a show, a game, an activity we would both enjoy together?
3. How can we restructure our nightly schedules and habits so that time we spend together benefits our marriage?
Now imagine you both rushing to wind down the “must-do’s” of your day so the two of you can sit back and enjoy your evenings together…thrilled to know you’re not wasting the small windows of time you have together. And when you hang out, don’t forget to say these four words, because really, we’re never promised tomorrow.