Date Night Every Night
Apart from the random nights he travels for work, Wyatt and I see each other most evenings of the week. But just because we’re in the same house every night, doesn’t mean we’ll have a great connection. Too often that deep “honeymoon connection” we were designed to enjoy remains elusive. Whether you and your spouse eat dinner every night as a family, or you feel more like strangers than spouses because you see each other so rarely, how can you make the most of the time you have? How can you maximize it to build a stronger marriage?
The birth of our second baby hit us with a strong dose of reality: if we didn’t intentionally invest the time we had together each night, we risked living under the same roof, perpetually disconnected. So five years ago, instead of spending our nights doing laundry, checking email, or zoning out online, we committed to ending our days together with an hour of quality time every night once we got the kids down. Today, it remains by far one of the best decisions of our marriage.
After years of prioritizing these nightly “dates,” we developed a list of activities and modes of entertainment that give us space to just be together and enjoy each other’s company. Regardless of how we spend the time though, the key is always to do so without the pressure to be accomplishing anything in particular. In our busy, over-scheduled lives, this nightly meet-up allows us to maximize what little time we have for the benefit of our marriage.
I’m not talking big elaborate activities here. Some of our favorites include playing card games, reading magazines, listening to hobby-related podcasts/webinars, sitting outside with a glass of wine, and watching movies. Recently, (in the midst of my final weeks of pregnancy) our go-to nightly activity is enjoying Netflix shows in bed. Something low-stress and entertaining that we both look forward to watching together.
In order to build a great marriage during these pockets of time consider two keys to success: First, choose something that you both can enjoy together; and second, choose something that fits your current season of life. Pre-kid options may include hiking after work or trying out new restaurants. With a newborn in the picture, it might mean taking a stroller walk after dinner. As kids grow older it may look like sitting on the deck with your favorite drink or catching up on your favorite TV series after they’re in bed.
So today, get with your spouse and ask each other these three questions:
1. What would our ideal evening together at home include? (keep it simple!)
2. What is a show, a game, an activity we would both enjoy together?
3. How can we restructure our nightly schedules and habits so that time we spend together benefits our marriage?
Now imagine you both rushing to wrap up the “must-dos” of your day so the two of you can sit back and enjoy your evenings together – thrilled to know you’re not wasting the small windows of time you have together.