I’ve recently come across the research of Dr. Sue Johnson, an author, clinical psychologist, professor at University of Ottawa, poplar presenter and one of the leading innovators in the field of couple therapy.
The more I read her research, the more I’m intrigued I become. I am especially encouraged by how her scientific findings from brain research highlight the reality that we were designed for a deep emotional connection with another person, based on trust and long-term committed love.
In this short video, she points out that often our culture and media most highly esteem performance and sensation in the bedroom.
But in reality, sex focused primarily on performance is one-dimensional…and not that great.
Scientific research shows that sex is a powerful bonding behavior that draws a couple into deeper intimacy. And that the BEST SEX is centered not on “performance” but emotional presence and trust.
Dr. Johnson remarked that “emotional presence and practice make for great sex…but sex without any emotional connection is like dancing without music.”
(My interpretation: if your sex life is suffering, don’t focus on the latest trend from Cosmo, but rather re-evaluate your level of emotional connection and focus on building trust inside and outside of the bedroom.)
Dr. Johnson’s research also flies in the face of the current social trend that says monogamy isn’t natural. In fact, the research shows people who have the BEST, most THRILLING SEX are people in long-term loving relationships, debunking the nonsense that fidelity and monogamy are impossible.
If you watch much TV or have read some of the latest best-sellers, you’ll notice our culture is full of talk about the boredom of making love with the same person. Our culture paints a clear picture of the assumed agony of monogamy and the boundlessly erotic adventures of promiscuity. But this science (and other brain research that she’s done) is proving them to be all wrong, and frankly ridiculous. One-night stands and extra-marital affairs may be the popular norm in culture, but they just can’t hold a candle to long-term, emotionally connected, monogamous relationships.
Dr. Johnson’s findings boldly overturn our cultural misunderstandings and scientifically prove the power of emotional connection, trust and physical intimacy in marriage to be advantageous in every area of life including our mental and physical health, longevity and the ability to overcome hardships. I think this is great news worth sharing. To read more on her research, here’s her page.
What are your thoughts?