The Things I Don’t Do, So I Can Do What I Do: Prioritizing Connection over Perfection

A friend came over recently and said to me, “Francie – I don’t understand how you do it all.  I’ve tried and just can’t get it all done…the dishes, the laundry, the clean-up…and then have the energy to focus on my marriage.”

She heard me speak recently about how, in an effort to avoid slipping into roommate mode, Wyatt and I aim to have a “date night every night” from 8-9pm.

But here’s the problem.  When she heard me talk about this “date night every night” idea, she assumed I “have it all together”, that my house is perfectly in order and that everything that needs to be done is always done by 8pm sharp.

She assumed I have figured out how to “do it all”.

But, friends.  Oh friends.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  And I was happy to inform her of this truth.

We can’t do it all.  We just can’t.  You can’t.  I can’t.

But we can think well about what we want.  

And then structure our lives so we are able to spend the bulk of our energy on the things we want most – the things that really matter.

Check out this video where I share some of the things I purposefully don’t do in order to do the things I really want to do.

I hope it frees you to let go of the pressure to be perfect…and gives you permission to lean into the things that truly matter in the long run.

In 20 years, I’m probably not going to remember how much I rocked at keeping my clothes folded, our floors sparkling clean every night or how perfectly I matched the kids clothes.  But I do hope to look back and cherish the memories of “dating” my husband every night.



(Don’t hear me wrong on this.  If you LOVE doing some of the things I don’t particularly love, then GO.FOR.IT!  Good for you!  In fact, I could use your tips.  I have so much room for improvement in many areas of life.  This post is in no way prescriptive, simply descriptive of how I’m choosing to live life in this season.  It will probably change as I grow and mature and have more capacity in different stages.  But for now, this is a pretty honest look at what it looks like as I seek to live the life I really want.)


How about you?  What are things you choose NOT to do, in order to make room for the things you most WANT to do?


ps- if you are interested in Stitch Fix, here’s a referral link.  It’s a phenomenal service.