The Simplest Way To Reverse the Roommate Rut

“I feel like my husband and I are in a rut- living each day like we’re roommates.”

This is the gist of a conversation I have had with countless women, namely busy moms and women in the grind of work.

So how do we get out of the roommate rut and regain a sense of tenderness and connection in our marriage?


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Here’s one ridiculously simple, yet profound idea for you.

~ Start thinking about your husband.  In good ways. ~

We used to think about our guys 24/7 back in the dating days.  Remember that?  But now, it’s so easy to forget to think about all the ways we love them.  Or just to think about them at all.

One mom I spoke to said, “yeah – I didn’t realize that I never think about my husband during the day anymore.  I’m so busy running around and caring for our kids that my mind is almost always far from him.  It’s not intentional, it’s just life.”  

I totally get the busyness of life.  But if this goes on for too long, it’s not surprising when we find ourselves in the roommate rut.

That mom is not alone.  We all feel the rush of to-do lists, taking different kids to different events at different times, the stress of a new baby, the pressure of managing work and life, or worries about the future.

But friends, how often do we simply ponder the good things about our husbands?  It’s nearly effortless.  But can make a big difference.

It’s so easy to let petty annoyances like leaving dishes out and sticky hummus globs on the table overshadow the things we admire about them.

You can’t change him or your immediate circumstances.

But you can change your perspective on both him and your circumstances.  And this shift often begins with changing your mind.

Make the decision to intentionally think about the good in him throughout the day.

Think about his heart, his character, his work ethic, his fathering gifts, his hands, his biceps, his compassion, his strength.  Think about him from his head to his toes, and ponder the good things.  Let Philippians 4:8 be your guide.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Thank God for the good, and recall how far you’ve come together.

And as your mind gets filled with your man, your heart (and body) will often follow with tenderness.  Then when you reconnect at the end of the day, you’re not treating him like another item on your to-do list or another burden to take care of, but you remember that he’s your man.  Your gift.  Your best friend.  Your lover.  Your husband.  Not your roommate.