“I feel like my husband and I are in a rut – living each day like we’re roommates.”
This is the gist of a conversation I have had with countless women, namely busy moms and women in the grind of work. It’s a pretty far cry from the deep, life-giving intimacy we crave for our marriages. And honestly, we’ve been created for so much more! But how do we get out of the roommate rut and claim the sweet tenderness and connection God’s promised for us?
Here’s one ridiculously simple, yet profound idea: Start thinking about your husband – in good ways. We used to think about our guys 24/7 back in the dating days. Remember that? But nowadays, in the throes of careers, kids, and life in general it’s so easy to forget to ponder all the ways we love them. Or just forget to think about them at all.
As one mom I spoke to said, “I didn’t realize that I never think about my husband during the day anymore. I’m so busy running around and caring for our kids that my mind is almost always far from him. It’s not intentional, it’s just life.”
I totally get the busyness of life. But if this goes on for too long, it’s not surprising when we find ourselves in the roommate rut. That mom is not alone. We all feel the rush of to-do lists, taking different kids to different events at different times, the stress of a new baby, the pressure of managing work and life, or worries about the future.
But friends, how often do we simply ponder the good things about our husbands? It’s nearly effortless, but it reaps such big rewards. It’s so easy to let petty annoyances (like dishes and sticky hummus globs left out on the table) overshadow the things you admire about your man. You can’t change him or your immediate circumstances – but you can change your perspective.
Make the decision to intentionally think about the good in your husband throughout the day. Think about his heart, his character, his work ethic, his fathering gifts, his hands, his biceps, his compassion, his strength. Think about him from his head to his toes and ponder the good things. Let Philippians 4:8 be your guide:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Thank God for the good and recall how far you’ve come together. As your mind gets filled with your man, your heart (and body) will often flood with tenderness towards him. Then when you reconnect at the end of the day, you won’t risk treating him like another item on your to-do list or another burden to take care. Instead, you’ll treat him like your man. Your gift. Your best friend. Your lover. Your husband. Not your roommate.